This time I wanted to do a quick post about a new phenomenon to me - Weight Loss Sabotage! I don't think any of the recent events have been intended as malicious, but that doesn't make them any less confusing, or hurtful.
I've lost weight in the past, a couple of stone, then get a bit cocky when people start noticing, and eat a pizza, 4 jars of Nutella, a bottle of wine, bag of Maltesers etc etc....every weekend...until...BOOM! 2 stone back on, plus a bit more. So to have lost significantly more than that over the past few years (see my blog post here) is a pretty big achievement, as my friends and family all know.
I still have a way to go, I'm a good 2 - 2.5 stone over what would be considered a healthy weight for my height and age so that's my ultimate aim now. It's quite exciting, I don't remember the last time I was only overweight and not obese!! But overweight i am. I know BMI charts aren't the most reliable indicator of this, but since I'm not a muscle stacked weight lifter or anything, it'll do as a fair guide.
But I couldn't tell you how many times in the past few weeks people have said "you're not going to lose any more weight though, are you?", and variations of that, I've also had "you need to stop, you've got a lollypop head".
Well intentioned they may be, but I think they made me feel worse than any veiled dig at me being fat in the past to the point where I struggled for days to keep myself on track and not just have a huge self pitying blow out of salami pizzas, cake, chocolate and wine.
I might dress to cover up my wobbly flabby bits, but they are definitely there. They don't bother me, I know they will shrink soon enough. Every pound closer to that target I get is a pound less my heart is having to work harder to carry around. I'll never have a toned taught body, I have too much loose skin for that, but this isn't about how I look, it's about making my insides healthier.
I can't help where I lose weight from first. I seem to have shrunk quite quickly across my shoulders. I put weight on my boobs first and lose it from there last though. Honestly, 7 stone lighter and I've only gone down a couple of bra sizes, it's mad - but that's how my body works. So as much as i know that to say anyone with 34JJ boobs might have a head that appears large in comparison to their body is a bit ridiculous, it still hurt. If looking at my freakishly gigantic head (because that's what I've made it in my mind now) offends you - well, tough shit really. If you have a friend/colleague/family member who is on a weight loss (sorry for using the 'j' word) journey, they really don't need to hear shit like that, no matter how much you think it's helpful. If you can't say anything positive, just button it, really!
I'm a 41 year old grown woman. I know my height, I know my weight, I know what I look like naked. Only 1 other adult recently knows what I look like naked and it's none of the people who have made comments to me.
I also had a birthday recently. I could have opened a sweet shop with the amount of boxes of chocolates I was given. Thank you if you gave me any, it's always nice to receive a gift - thank you also from the local food bank as that's where they went. Apart from 1 box. That was eaten (the WHOLE box) over 2 nights. Because I have no OFF switch with chocolates. I devoured 1 box (2 layers!) and then realised I couldn't keep the rest in my house so I donated them all to a food bank. So please, please, again if you know someone who has worked really hard to lose weight, don't stick temptation under their nose. Get them a lovely fruit basket, flowers, a gift voucher, smellies... Put a bit of thought into it, it will be so hugely appreciated, I bet.
Like I say, I don't believe any of the recent events were meant with any malice, but just because I, or anyone else, laughs things off in front of you, it doesn't mean they haven't hurt.
Big love, be kind to one another.
JB xx
